it seems as though a bomb that has been there for seventeen years finally exploded. like BOOM!. like that. everything that it has accumlitated for seventeen years just drops on me.

i am sorry that i am not the child you wanted me to be. i am sorry that i had been ungrateful to you. i am sorry that you had pinned such high hopes on me and i had let you down. i am sorry that you are thinking that i felt like an imbecile.i am sorry that i didnt fit your standard of being who you thought i would be. i am sorry that i have never ending sorries that i could never say it out to you. coz you wouldn't listen to a word i say. yes you may say that i am ungrateful and an unfilial girl. but. i am not what you all have thought who i am all this time. i am not what you thought who i am. you talk like you know me inside out. i am sorry.

i just dont get it. why it just cant get into your heads. getting so frustrated at the littlest thing i do. yes. you would say that i am selfish and have got what i wanted. but those were just things. what about how i felt. ever consider that. consider about other things other than yourself. i will the baddie just to keep everything the way they are now, in peace. i dont wish to create anymore dispute and put me as the root of everything. always asking my to go there. if this were to continue i dont know how can i go on any longer. i really dont know what to do. really. i dont wish to hear anything anymore. i need you to understand. but you dont. i can keep this pressure going on. its bad for both of us. but i cant do anything. its for your sake. it for your own good. i am tired. really. tell me what to do coz i really dont know what to do anymore.